...

I think there are several things I need to re-evaluate. I'm going to acknowledge all of this as a setback. One enormous, terrible, yet completely surmountable setback.

Highlights!
a) the Hammercycle was totally crushed
b) the entirety of California was under ELE control for 20.44 seconds, which beats out Mister Maniacal's 1986 reign by .92 seconds
c) I am still alive and (relatively, though I don't want to talk about it) uncharred, which puts me ahead of Mister Maniacal on (count them) two vital points
d) the look on Hammer's face when the Hammercycle was totally crushed

I'm sure there are more, but I have a headache atm and should probably lay down. Maybe do some subconscious soul-searching. It's funny in an extremely unfunny way - having a lot to think about when the last thing you want to do is think.

In the meantime, I'm at a motel while my apartment (the living part, not the lab - thank you very much) sustains restoration efforts, making soup, tending wounds, deliberating on a new plan, etc etc, moving on ...



Yours,
Dr. Horrible


P.S. Pretty sure I'm just going to get a new car. I like being subtle.

Update.

Phase one and two of something I'm working on with a colleague is complete. It's going to be awesome. I keep attributing my own reasoning to it, and that really psychs me up.

If I didn't, you know. Stuff would ... mmh.

BTW, how about those playoffs? I've been hearing about them everywhere and I'm really interested in speculations about who might win the Super Bowl. (Note: This is sarcasm. If you answer with something expressing a genuine interest and/or say something sports-knowledgeable, I'll permanently ban your IP. Just sayin'.)

This just in!

I hate the universe.

The covert operation that I'd been assigned on Bad Horse's order was no doubt an immense success; however, as with many other operations in my history as a villain, not everything went according to plan. Not enough to screw up the intended goal, which was, as previously mentioned, achieved - but enough to make things suck.

On the plus side, I looked amazing.

On the negative side, I'm completely out of heist money. Here's lookin' at you, Wells Fargo!

On the super negative side, I hate the universe. I also hate arrogant douchebags with self-instigated book and toy contracts, not that I'm being too specific or anything because I highly doubt that certain people actually read my blog, even though they don't know what they're missing because I'm sure others find me absolutely enlightening.

Times like this, I just want to punch a kitten.

Too bad they're all cute and stuff.

Dammit.

- Dr. Horrible

Middle of the night musings.

Seriously oh my God I'm never going to be able to sleep again.

I just thought of something that would be bad, so very, very bad, and I can't think of a way to delicately bring the subject up to the other party without incurring physical damage to my person.

Oh ... my God.

Another thing I thought about at approximately three in the morning: I know why Captain Hammer is immune to my ... thing that makes everyone do what I say. It has to do with the fact that he's a rich tool who imports everything, even the water he uses to bathe.

Don't ask me how I know that. It was a really, really unfortunate encounter.

Speaking of unfortunate encounters ...

Oh man.

Compiling done for the new code. 90 percent. I still have to figure out how to get back online. Looking forward to event double-oh-sabotage. Everything's all lined up. Not really happy about how they got there, but everything's lined up.

Whatever.

Kisses, but please brush your teeth first,
Dr. Horrible

Fire and pitchforks and riots, oh my!

So you remember yesterday, right? (Okay, trick question. I'm sure some of you do and some of you don't. To those of you who do: wasn't it awesome? How that parade all of a sudden decided to stop being a parade and start being a rioting mass, completely without direction, only propelled by a sense of gratuitous anger and no self-control?

To those of you who don't: ^That's basically what happened. And it was totally you!)

A round of applause goes out to yesterday's participants. And even though only some of you technically helped me in that small victory, remember: We're all winners.

Isn't that ... something ... your hero says?

Are you starting to ask yourself: "Who is the real hero?"

Oh man, that reminds me of that one comedian that acted like he was high all the time. What was his name? Mitch something? There was a joke about a belt and pants, and the belt holding up the pants but the pants holding the belt, and he was like, "who is the real hero?" and it was great.

No questions yet?

Don't worry. They'll come.


Yours,
Dr. Horrible

So the business thing didn't really work out.

I think I - uh. Put too little stock in the backbone of Corporate America.

There was a patent officer. Um. I was very unfortunately unarmed. Very unfortunately - and he was undercover. Yeah. And my arms were full; the business certification application was like a thousand pages long. (Let it be recorded that I'll never again trust a legal guy with a name like Mike T. Magnificent. The surname is not going to be a coincidence, and the middle name is going to be a definite article, and neither of those things will bode well for my business ventures.)

You may have gotten the upper hand this time, Mike T. Magnificent.

Um. Literally. ... sprained my wrist ...

But know this: I'm watching you. And I've had enough of your system. Which is going to fall, by the way. It's going to disintegrate around your dumb, unnecessarily large and shiny head.

Essentially, it doesn't appear that Plan A is going to work. That's fine. I have an entire alphabet worth of alternate plans that will perfectly and easily incorporate my master scheme. Here're a few examples:

Plan C: weather balloon affected area too small
Plan F: soybeans too many people with allergies
Plan S: tourists too expensive even with ELE backing, also completely inane wtf was I on

So. Yeah. A few of them might need ... tweaking. But, Plan B. More on that in a minute. Right now, e-mails.

-------------------
To: Dr. Horrible
From: littlejamiefoster@mail.com
Subject: u r my hero
Date: Dec 1 2009

i like ur evil and want too be evil to. i am 8. i my mom and she wont let me bee evil like u sas ur bad infonce. right back plese, jamie
-------------------

Well, eight-year-old Jamie, I can understand why you would want to be evil when the world around you is inundating you with trash and pushing you under its poison, waiting for the day your spirit breaks so you can be a "good little taxpayer" and spend the rest of your life waiting to die.

...

But let me give you some good advice, because believe it or not, I started out just like you! Except with a better grasp of capitalization, punctuation, and spelling (I mean, seriously, what is an "infonce?" Some kind of ... angry lamp?) and, you know, an actual goal. My advice to you is this: Do some research on things that make you mad. Focus on them constantly. Obsess over them until the slightest reminder of the condition of the world in which you disdainfully exist causes you to clench your teeth and stress out until you finally get the chance to blow off some steam - or, alternately, the roof off City Hall (remember that day? Great, wasn't it?).

Also, forget about what your mother says (unless it has to do with personal hygiene, because you can't be taken seriously as a villain if you don't have any teeth and smell constantly like stale garlic and manmusk). Brainstorm some name ideas, and don't settle on one until you know.

And don't forget the laugh.

Next message!

--------------------
To: Dr. Horrible
From: [anonymous IP]
Subject: licenses and patenting
Date: Dec 2 2009

Dr. Horrible,

Ha ha. You ran into Mike. I'll thank him later for the entertainment cuz I'm sure he's kickin the crap out of you on YouTube by now.

By the way you'll never kill me.

- C.H.
-------------------

...

First of all, Captain Hammer, why in the hell did you use an anonymous proxy if you're going to not only refer back to my post from a couple days ago wherein I specifically stated that you were the person I was going to kill (oh and btw yes I am), but also sign your name? Seriously?

And when did you learn how to use proxies?

Never mind. Not important. The point is, if there are videos, I will report them as infringement and you and your hero friends can suck it. And since you're all "masters of the internet" now or whatever, you can upload a bunch of masturbatory self-insert slash fic about how you want everyone and everything to do you because you're sooooo great and then watch as those are reported and taken down. Just like your egos. Just like you.

... That ... had a point somewhere, I'm sure.

Anyway, no more e-mail today. And I was going to touch a little on Plan B, but I'm not in the mood anymore. That ends this entry.

Later,
Dr. Horrible

Hello, world.

I could whittle my points until they were sharp as skewers and drive them into your eyes, and you still wouldn't see them. You watched the wishing fountain crumble and spray as if it were as simple as pretending to be horrified while you stirred sugar into your coffee.

Got a pretty big gash on my arm. I'm getting pretty good at making stitches. What kind of doctor am I again? Heh.

That was funny. That was a joke. You're supposed to laugh.

You know what else is funny? Imagining the death of Captain Hammer. If it's anything like I picture it, then it's guaranteed comedy gold when it happens.

Trust me. It'll happen.

And I'll never stop laughing.